Capturing Peace by Molly McAdams
“Don’t leave, we’re celebrating,” Hudson said at the same time Erica pled, “Aww, Coen, don’t leave! Keegan had been telling me a, uh, funny story before you showed up, and I just now got it. You know me . . . just another blond moment.”
Erica was a natural brunette.
I stood, but Hudson reached over and pushed me back down. “Stay. I haven’t even introduced you to everyone else yet. Let’s just have a good night, ’kay?”
“Sure, whatever.” Grabbing my beer, my mind was already off Hudson and Erica’s odd behavior. Hazel eyes, long blond hair, and a soft smile replaced everything and stayed forefront in my mind for the rest of the night.
Chapter Two
Reagan—August 15, 2010
PULLING PARKER OUT of his booster seat, I helped him get out of my SUV and followed him as he ran up my parents’ driveway.
Just as I’d been about to remind him to knock first, my dad threw the front door open and grabbed Parker up. Throwing him over his shoulder, he tickled my son’s sides for a few seconds before setting him back on the ground.
“Hey, Dad,” I said as I kissed his cheek and closed the door behind me.
“Are you staying for a few minutes?”
I made a face and looked at him like he was crazy. “Uh, Mom invited us for lunch today.”
“Hi, sweetheart! Are you hanging out here for a bit? I figured you’d be on your way by now,” Mom stated as she pulled me in for a hug.
“Wait, what?” I froze as I tried to remember where I was supposed to be today. “I thought I only had lunch with you guys today. Am I forgetting something?”
“Keegan said the two of you were having lunch today.”
“I haven’t even talked to Keegan since Friday before I picked Parker up. I thought he was going to be here since he was home for the weekend.”
My parents shared a quick smile, and Mom shrugged. “You should call him then, he left about an hour ago.”
Grabbing my phone from my back pocket, I pulled up Keegan’s name, and tapped on it.
“Hey, sis.”
“I thought you were going to be at Mom and Dad’s today. I told Parker you would be here, he’s been looking forward to seeing you.”
“Aw, tell my little man I’ll see him tonight. Now get your ass over here and have lunch with me.”
I let out an exasperated groan. “I don’t even know where here is, and why can’t I just bring Parker with me?”
“I’m at Rio, and because we never have time to talk. So hurry up, I’m fucking starving.”
Looking at my son playing with the toys that always stayed at my parents’ house, I thought for a second and said, “Okay, but I’m bringing Parker.”
“No, Ray. I want to see him, and I’ll see him tonight. Just trust me on this, all right? Come alone.”
Turning away from Parker, I hissed into the phone, “You’re being sketchy and it’s pissing me off.”
“And you didn’t come out on Friday, so we’re even.”
“Keegan—”
“Hurry up.”
I growled into the phone when he hung up, and shoved it back in my pocket. My parents both waved at me from where they were pulling Parker into the kitchen. “Have fun, sweetheart!”
“Love you, Mom!” Parker called out.
“Are you all in on this?” I asked, looking at them suspiciously. “What is going on?”
My mom put her hands on her hips and shot me a look. “Oh, stop being so dramatic, Reagan. Go have lunch with your brother and give us some time with our grandson.”
“Mom, it’s summer, you have him five days a week!”
“Bye, honey!” She bent to whisper something, and Parker turned to look at me. “Bye, Mom!”
What the hell is going on? I stood there trying to think of something to say, but I was obviously outnumbered. With a defeated sigh, I waved and called out a good-bye before leaving the house and heading to Rio.
I was still grumbling to myself as I crossed the parking lot, when a deep voice from a few feet away had my body coming to a stop.
“So how about that name, huh?”
Turning slowly, my breath caught when I saw him standing there. Same cocky smirk, his tattoos on display beneath his black shirt, his dark eyes hidden from view behind aviators.
Biting down on the inside of my cheek so I wouldn’t smile, I glanced around us before teasing him. “Are you following me now? It was just coffee and an old shirt.”
He laughed and stepped closer. “I was about to ask you the same thing, but unfortunately for you, even though I’ve been thinking about you all weekend, I’m not stalking you. I’m meeting someone.”
I didn’t have to fight a smile anymore. Is he serious? “Ha. Wow. You’re going to try and charm a girl out of her name when you’re about to go on a date? Nice.”
Not waiting for his response, I quickly walked into the restaurant, and my eyes narrowed on Keegan when I saw his girlfriend, Erica, with him. I loved her for my brother, but why hadn’t Keegan said anything?
They both stood when they saw me, and after a hug from Erica, Keegan pulled me in for a bear hug.
“Good to see you, Ray.”
“Why couldn’t I bring Parker if Erica is here? Mom said it was just supposed to be us.”
“Well . . .” His eyes glanced at something over my head, and a smile crossed his face as he released me.
Before I could turn around to see what he was smiling at, goose bumps covered my arms when his voice came from right behind me. “Still waiting on that name.” I finally turned, and saw his black eyes were shooting daggers directly above my head. “And now I see why the two of you couldn’t stop laughing on Friday.”
“What?” I whispered. I was beyond confused, and still annoyed at this guy.
Erica gave the guy a tight hug before Keegan shrugged and slapped his shoulder. “You can’t really be mad at me for this, can you?”
“Wait . . . what?” I asked again.
Keegan put a hand on my back, and held his other arm out toward the tattooed guy. “Reagan, this is my roommate I was telling you about, Coen Steele. Steele, this is my little sister, Reagan.”
“You’re Reagan?” Coen asked with a hint of amusement in his tone.
“You knew about this?” Anger and embarrassment quickly took over my confusion. I was going to punch them both in their throats.
“Uh, no. I thought Hudson owed me lunch for losing at pool the other night. Speaking of,” he said suddenly as he looked back at my brother, “how did you know this was the girl?”
The girl? He’d told my brother about me?
“I was on the phone with Reagan when you ran into each other. I heard your voice, coulda sworn it was you . . . and then when you came into the bar that night, you confirmed it for us.”
I still couldn’t get past the fact that Coen had told my brother about me, and that this was the guy Keegan had tried to set me up with that same night.
“Come on.” Keegan pushed me toward the table. “Let’s sit down, everyone’s starting to stare at us.”
A tan, tattooed arm grabbed the back of my chair to pull it out, but stopped halfway. “I find it funny that you’d accuse me of flirting with you before a date . . . and apparently you and your brother had already been talking about me. You sure you didn’t know about this?”
“If I would have known, I wouldn’t have shown up,” I gritted out, and then it hit me.
The way my parents had both been so eager to get me out of their house, and to watch Parker. The way Keegan had made sure I wouldn’t bring my son. I felt betrayed by them suddenly. I’d told Keegan I didn’t want to be set up with anyone, my mom and dad knew how I felt about this. And they’d all gone behind my back anyway.
Now all I wanted was to get my son and go home. To get away from all
I schooled my expression and took two, deep breaths in and out, focusing on not tearing up when my eyes started burning. With a hard look directed at my brother, I turned and walked quickly away from them.
“Reagan!” Keegan’s voice easily carried over the loud restaurant, but I didn’t stop moving.
I was at my car, and had just thrown my purse into the passenger seat, when Keegan turned me and stopped me from getting in.
“What the hell, Ray?”
“How could you all do that to me?” I hissed at him, and locked my jaw to stop the quivering.
“We just—”
“Why can’t you guys just be okay with the fact that I don’t want to be with anyone? I don’t want to date. I don’t want to meet someone. I don’t need a man in my—” I broke off with a sob, and slapped a hand over my mouth as tears filled my eyes.
At the sight of my tears, Keegan’s face turned white. “Sis,” he crooned as he reached for my cheek.
Slapping his hand away, I wiped quickly at my cheeks and pointed at him. “Don’t fucking touch me! I expect for Mom to bring it up, but I would never think you all would go behind my back like this.”
“Reagan, we just want you to—”
“I don’t care what you all want!” I yelled, and started to get in my SUV. He tried to stop me, so I turned and shoved him away. “Fuck you, Keegan! You were supposed to be on my side.”
I couldn’t have moved him no matter how hard I tried, but he still took a step back and didn’t try to stop me when I climbed in. He looked sick when I glanced at him one last time before pulling out of the parking space; and to my horror, Coen was standing outside the restaurant, his dark eyes focused on me. I don’t know how long he’d been out there, or how much he’d heard. A part of me was mortified that he’d seen me break when I’d spent years making sure I never would again, but I knew I’d never see him again. So I swallowed my humiliation, and drove back to my parents’ house.
Like with Keegan, my parents were so shocked to see me crying that neither had said anything or tried to stop me when I walked in, grabbed Parker, and walked back out with him.
The three of them endlessly called and texted me throughout the day, and twice Keegan had come over. But I never answered my phone, or the door. Was I overreacting? Was I being dramatic? Yeah, I probably was. But at the time, I didn’t care. They’d gone behind my back on something they knew I was strongly against. They’d tried to put me in a situation I was too scared to put my son and myself in. So instead of talking to any of them, I spent the rest of the day playing with Parker and cuddling up on the couch to watch movies before he fell asleep. The entire time chanting to myself that we didn’t need a man in our lives. That we were perfect just like this.
Coen—August 20, 2010
MY BODY FLEW up into a sitting position, and I struggled to fix my breathing. My hands were gripping the sheets as I fought against the tremors making their way through me. I was covered in a cold sweat, and even though I could see that I was in my condo, it took my mind another few seconds to catch up.
Memories. Nightmares. Night after night. Never changing. Never giving me peace from what had happened.
Had, I told myself. It’s not happening right now. I’m in my bed. In my condo. In Colorado.
Glancing at my phone, I sighed and let it fall onto the bed beside me. I’d stayed awake as long as I could last night and this morning editing photos, watching mindless TV, doing an impromptu shoot of myself at my studio, and then coming back to my place to edit those as well. I’d finally given in and crawled into my bed at eight this morning.
It was 9:45 A.M. now. Not even two hours of sleep, and already more than I could handle, apparently.
Flipping back the covers, I slowly got out of bed, and pulled off my sweat-soaked clothes as I walked to the bathroom. Turning the water on as hot as it could go, I waited until steam started filling the room before I got in . . . welcoming the burn as it hit my skin. Putting both hands against the wall, I dropped my head and let the hot water pour over my head and back as I waited.
The burning helped take my mind off the ingrained images that played over and over like a fucked-up video. Despite what Hudson said, I didn’t need to talk to someone about what was going on. They wouldn’t understand. Neither would Hudson.
Hudson, Saco, and I were all in the same unit, and though we didn’t have your typical deployments, we had missions. Ones we weren’t allowed to talk about with our families—not that we’d want to put them through that shit—and one that I couldn’t talk about period. The only person that could understand that time to an extent was Saco. We’d been on a mission and had split up into four teams of five for one part . . . and it had all gone so fucking wrong. Saco and his team had found me; and he’d seen the destruction.
Out of respect for me, he hadn’t told Hudson what he’d seen when he grabbed me. I respected the hell out of him for that since I knew they were both always worrying about me and trying to get me to get help. But they hadn’t been there. Hadn’t gone through it.
I waited until my mind was on nothing but the heat from the water before shutting it off and getting out of the shower. Pacing around my condo for a few minutes had my mind going back to places I couldn’t have it go. So I pulled on mesh shorts, grabbed my running shoes, and walked out the door. I didn’t care that I’d just been in the shower. It hadn’t been to get clean; it had been to forget. And it hadn’t been enough.
Taking off for the trail just off my backyard, I ran hard, trying to push all thoughts from my mind except for the pavement below me, and view around me.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been running when I came upon a park. Open area off to one side, a playground in the corner closest to me, and a lake on the far corner. And right in front of me, a blond standing off to the side of the playground. She was facing it, watching as she talked on her phone, her hand shielding her eyes from the sun. Hazel eyes that I’d been thinking of for five days since she’d stormed out of the restaurant.
Knowing I was probably the last person she wanted to see, and not having the best morning so far, I considered running in another direction so I wouldn’t be tempted to talk to her. But she looked quickly over to me before doing a double take. Her mouth forming a perfect O as recognition settled over her face.
There was no way I wasn’t stopping now.
Slowing down as I approached her, I noticed her eyes kept darting between me and the kids using the playground, and I wondered which one was her son.
“Reagan,” I said, and tried to catch my breath.
She didn’t respond, but I could hear a woman ask through her phone, “Who’s that?”
Reagan floundered for a second, and I almost told her my name, but I didn’t want to let on that I could hear her friend. “Um, uh, it’s Keegan’s friend from the army. The one from the coffee sh—”
She hadn’t gotten the rest of the word out when the other voice said excitedly, “The hot Asian?”
I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing and had to turn away from her for a second when I saw her cheeks stain red.
“I, uh, I have to go.” She quickly tapped on her phone and shoved it in her back pocket before running her hands over her cheeks.
I wanted to tell her they were as red as she feared, but knew she was embarrassed enough.
“Uh . . . hi, Coen.”
“So you do know my name?” I asked, teasing her.
“Why are you here?”
I looked around, and back on the trail I’d come from. “This trail goes right past my backyard. Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be at work or something?”
Her eyes darted back to the playground, and she licked her lips like she was nervous. “My uh—my office shuts down every first and third Friday of the month.”
“Perks of working for a local company, I guess.” Her eyes went back to the playground for a second. “I should probably go.”
Not looking away from her, I nodded my head in the direction of the play equipment. “Which one is your son?”
Reagan’s entire body froze, and the hand that had been brushing back her long hair stopped mid-action. “Who told you I have a son?” her voice was now careful and defensive.
“Your brother. Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Keegan,” she grumbled, but her body relaxed. “It’s fine, I just didn’t know you knew. I should have figured since you used to be roommates . . . I just—I don’t—”
“You don’t let a lot of people into your son’s life, I know. I don’t blame you.”
Her eyes had hardened at first, but widened with my last statement. “I don’t know whether to be pissed that you know all this about me, or curious as to why you don’t blame me.”
Grabbing the shirt from where it’d been hanging at my side, I ran it over my face and chest, and noticed her eyes followed the path. They lingered on the tattoos on my chest before slowly drifting over my arms. But her face gave nothing away; for all I knew, they could disgust her.
“In all fairness to your brother,” I started, and her eyes snapped back up to mine, “he didn’t tell me anything about you or your son until the day I got out. All I’d known was he was always going back home to be with the two of you. I finally asked him.”
“And what all did he tell you?” The defensive tone was back, and I fought a smile. Reagan was cute when she got all protective.
“Not much, but enough for me to admire you and your strength.”
From the way her head jerked slightly back and her eyelids blinked rapidly, she hadn’t been expecting that answer. After watching me for a few seconds, she crossed her arms over her chest, and leveled me with a glare. “Did Keegan set you up to this? Did he tell you I’d be here today? Because as I’m sure you heard last weekend, I’m not interested in . . . well, anything.”