Glow by Joss Stirling
Despite Ben’s advice, Kel did stay out longer than was wise. He had no refuge on board where he could be sure he wouldn’t be interrupted so he stuck it out at the rail until he couldn't feel his fingers and his eyelashes were sprinkled with ice. What should he do? The foam-flecked sea offered no answers except a slight feeling of nausea that he would have to make a decision soon.
‘Kel?’
He blinked and looked down to see Meri’s hand on his sleeve. She wasn’t wearing gloves or a coat. ‘You’ll freeze.’ He opened his parka so she could slip inside the warmth.
‘And you won’t? You mean you’re some special breed of person who can withstand the Atlantic in winter, huh?’ She cuddled against his chest and some of the tangle of his despair smoothed out. It always made sense when they were like this, a puzzle piece slipping into place to form a beautiful picture. The doubts only crept out of the shadows when he was left alone too long.
‘Meeting go OK?’
‘I suppose.’ She rubbed her cheek against his jumper. ‘You’re getting wet and it worries me you don’t notice. Can we go inside? I don’t like you being so near the side.’
He knew she wouldn’t retreat without him. That was her way of doing things. They suffered or enjoyed things together, which was of course the best way of getting him to look after himself. ‘OK.’
Back inside, his fingers screamed as they defrosted. He’d been wearing fleece gloves but even those hadn’t kept out the cold.
‘You need to change,’ said Meri. Ignoring the disapproving looks of the crew members on duty, Meri towed him back to her cabin. She’d been given the biggest one in the stern of the yacht and insisted on Kel bunking with her for safety reasons. She called it ‘their’ quarters but everyone knew they were really hers. Their little princess. The heir to all things Tean and an island kingdom. They at least pretended to obey her. Kel wondered how long that would last.
Easing his damp coat off his shoulders, she hung it in the en suite bathroom to drip in the shower. ‘Why do you do this to yourself, Kel?’
‘I like being outside.’ He wiped his face on the towel she offered him.
‘No, you don’t. You don’t like being inside. That’s different. Take off that hoodie.’
He summoned a grin. ‘My luck changed?’
She flushed. She was always adorably shy when it came to admitting their attraction to each other—that was until he made her forget. He loved that about her. It made him feel so special that he was the one who could make her do that. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’
‘But now I’ve mentioned it?’ He threw the hoodie on the floor, leaving him in only his white T-shirt. Meri spread her hands against his chest, eyes glazing just a little as she felt the pull. Whatever it was between them was like a riptide bringing them together as soon as they touched. They’d only known each other a short five months, three of those spent apart, but already they were enmeshed in each other so tightly. Kel sometimes wondered if there was a unique power in the Tean and Perilous inheritance that made their connection stronger than that of normal people. He had certainly fallen hard and fast for her and couldn’t imagine feeling like this about anyone else again.
‘I’m the lucky one.’ She went up on tip-toe and kissed him lightly. ‘I know this is hard for you.’
‘Nothing’s easier than being with you, Meri.’ He looped his arms around her and pulled her closer.
She let him get away with his diversion. They both knew what she meant. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘None of this is, or ever has been, your fault.’ It wasn’t her fault her parents had killed his mother in self-defence in one of the last Tean-Perilous fights; that his father had shot them in retaliation; and that their bodies had been lost in the Potomac River. Centuries of animosity meant that the two of them standing together was breaking all taboos their people had developed. By rights, they should hate each other; instead they had fallen in love.
‘We’ve only got another week, Francis says, then we’ll be on Atlantis.’ Meri sighed. ‘I don’t know what will happen once we’re there but I’ve got to prove who I am somehow for those who haven’t met me yet.’
The Teans had named their secret haven after the mythical island because their stories claimed a link to this long-lost realm. Their base was their biggest, most valuable possession, something that they wanted to keep secret from their Perilous enemies. So the move against him would happen in the next few days, Kel acknowledged. He had to prepare.
‘Meri…?’
‘Yes?’
‘They’re not going to let me land, you realize that?’
‘Then they’ll have to put me ashore with you before we arrive. I’ve always said we are a package deal.’
He brushed his thumbs over her cheeks, wishing he could get closer, drown in her green eyes so he no longer had to worry about anything ever again. His feelings for her were crazily out of control; he didn’t know how to handle them. He ran the pad of one thumb over her lips. They gave a little under the pressure. Heat was building so quickly between them. It was like a fever.
‘I can’t think straight when you do that,’ she said.
‘Neither can I.’ He dipped down and kissed her. She was so precious to him, he couldn’t bear to think of anyone hurting her—and they would if they managed to get to him. That thought vanished like a spark whirling up from a bonfire as they deepened their kiss. Meri slid her arms up around his neck and he cradled the base of her head in his hand, her long hair flowing over the edge of his palm like a waterfall. He licked her lips, asking her to open a little, then explored her mouth, duelling with her tongue. She gave as much as he did, rubbing her fingers on his shoulders and neck, pressing her body against his so he could feel every curve and dip. Frozen deck watch burned away in the heat of their embrace. He could feel his markings beginning to flare, the spirals springing from the centre of his chest to the tips of his fingers like a chain of beacons. They began to tingle, then throb. He knew the signs. This was dangerous. He tried to pull back but it was her power pouring into him, feeding the flare. Too much and it would burn. Had to…couldn’t…. He lifted his head, one of the hardest things he had ever done.
‘Meri, we have to stop.’
She moaned, lost in the heat of the moment.
He lifted her chin so he could call her back. Her eyes were glowing—really glowing a luminous golden green. That snapped him out of his heated haze. ‘Whoa.’
His tone acted like a splash of cold water on the face. She dropped her arms and took a step back. ‘What?’
‘Your eyes.’
‘My what?’
‘Look—in the mirror.’
The glow was rapidly fading but Meri caught a glimpse of what he’d seen. ‘Oh God! Make it stop!’ She covered her face with her hands. ‘Don’t look at me, Kel. What sort of monster am I?’
He ran his fingers through his hair. It sparked with static electricity. Seeing himself in the mirror alongside Meri, he saw his usually wavy blond hair had risen from his scalp like he’d been touching a Van de Graaff generator. He looked ridiculous. ‘Wow—my hair!’
‘Don’t say “wow”. This isn’t a “wow” moment. It’s a “my God, you’re a freak, Meri” moment. Look, your markings aren’t fading and I bet you don’t feel the least bit passionate now!’
Two things made his markings show: the urge to kiss his girl or the fighting instinct. She was right that he was too confused right then to be feeling either. If anything, he wanted a little space to assimilate what had just happened but walking out on her would be exactly the wrong thing to do. ‘You are not a freak, Meri, neither are you a monster. You are a beautiful being with powers that we don’t yet understand. I’m not hurt.’ He held his hands wide, letting her inspect him.
‘You’re still lit up like a Christmas tree.’
Kel sincerely hoped that would pass because nothing would rile the crew more than to have his markings shoved in their faces. He then noticed something else.
Faint glowing marks curled up her arm. His stayed in the same pattern, revealed like a watermark under his skin when stimulated, but these were moving like tendrils of smoke. They circled and twisted like they were trying to wrap themselves around her—or strangle her when they reached her neck. He wasn’t sure if the motion was a loving one or not. To his eyes it looked faintly sinister, a jarring note in what had been the harmony between them when they touched.
‘What did I do? Or did you do this to me?’ Meri rubbed at her skin. With her Tean vision, the markings must be much brighter. She had to be terrified.
He tried to keep the tone light. ‘Houston, we have a problem. I think we’ve just discovered something that no Tean or Perilous has ever seen and I’ve no idea what that means.’
‘They’re spirals, aren’t they? Like yours?’
‘Yes, but if you kissed another Perilous from another family group, would they become the snowflake pattern, or the tortoiseshell?’
She pushed her sleeve down. ‘That’s not a theory I’m likely to get a chance to test.’
‘And I hope you wouldn’t want to.’
‘Of course I wouldn’t!’
Stress was making them both snap at each other. They needed to back away before they quarrelled for the first time. ‘Let’s just take five and think about this. I want to have a shower. I’m covered with salt from the sea-spray. I need to clean up.’
‘OK.’ She wrapped her arms around her waist.
Kel wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing. He wasn’t leaving precisely, but giving them both room to breathe. ‘Don’t leave the cabin, OK? I’ll be within call. We have to talk about this. It’ll all be OK.’
‘I’ll just sit over here.’ She went to the window seat which was piled with big cushions patterned with seagulls and seashells. ‘I’ll just sit here and think about how crappy I am that I can’t even kiss you without going thermonuclear.’
‘Don’t.’
‘Kel, take that shower.’
‘Yes, miss.’ He turned away, struck for the first time that she was falling into the habit of command quite naturally. The balance of power between them was shifting. Another worry.
Standing under the shower head, Kel let the water run over his neck and chest. He soaped and watched the markings fade as his mood cooled. He towelled off and stood in front of the mirror. Wiping the condensation off the surface, he paused. In the centre of his chest, rising to his shoulders, two spirals swirled like butterfly wings. The marking was a faint blue-black and did not fade.
2
Meri felt close to panicking. Kel was acting strangely. He had emerged from the shower fully dressed, given her a hug, and told her not to worry. That, of course, made Meri worry even more. Kel always invited her to sit and talk things through. She was convinced that had been his intention when he’d gone into the bathroom; but whatever thoughts had gone through his head in that ten minutes apart had led to this uncharacteristic silence. She would have to be the one to initiate the conversation.
‘The glow thing, with my eyes, have you ever heard of that happening before?’ Please say you have. Please let it be normal.
Kel’s old employer and friend, Ade, one of the Perilous leaders, had a far better library than any she had ever had access to; all her information came from two letters left by her parents and what Kel had told her since.
‘No, but I didn’t look that deeply into Teans. There might be something on it. The glow has gone now though. Your eyes are fine. Gorgeous.’ He went to the little kitchen corner in the cabin and switched on the electric kettle. ‘You want tea?’
He was making tea to calm her down, but why wasn’t he talking this through with her? His gaze was resting on everything but her face and his comments close to a ‘there, there, don’t worry about it’. Not that she blamed him: it wasn’t every day your girlfriend turned laser-eyed in your arms. He had to be freaked out by it. She most definitely was.
‘Yes, thanks.’ Meri rested her forehead on her bent knees and closed her eyes. Maybe if she just stayed like that it wouldn’t happen again. She was scared of herself, what she might do, but she was the one person she couldn’t escape.
‘I really don’t think you should fret about it, Meri. You’ve got to eighteen without it happening before. No reason to think it will again.’
‘Unless I kiss you.’ If that happened on a simple kiss, she couldn’t bear to think what might happen if they went any further. She had been assuming they would soon, now she felt panicked by the idea. Did that mean she shouldn’t touch him again? She couldn’t bear that idea. They had to be together if their relationship was to survive.
He didn’t say anything but searched the boxes in the cupboard until he found the right tea. ‘Milk?’
‘You know I take milk.’
‘Yeah, yeah, sorry. I’m just a little jittery.’ He rubbed his chest like he had heartburn.
‘You OK?’
He dropped his hand. ‘Yeah, fine. Nothing to worry about.’
‘You’re back to normal?’ She could see his markings still, of course, but they had reduced to their normal level of intensity. Only someone with excellent Tean vision would see them, faint peril-coloured tattoos on the skin.
‘As normal as I’ve ever been.’ He poured the water over the teabags in their mugs, dunked them a few times, then brought them over. ‘Here you are, your highness.’
‘Don’t call me that, please.’
‘That’s how these guys here see you.’
‘But I’m not that with you. I’m not sure I’m that even with the Tean council. They treat me like I’m some stupid kid they have to manage.’ She wanted to run her fingers through his tousled hair and trace the square line of his jaw but daren’t touch him again. Oh Lord, what had she lost?
‘That’s because you’ve told them I’m a non-negotiable. That to them is like saying the hen refuses to part with the fox and that she wants to move him into the hen house. They think you’re a little crazy.’
In the doldrums of the meetings, Meri sometimes agreed with the council. She felt like she was pushing a stone uphill and only by digging in her heels could she stop it flattening her as it tried to roll back down to the bottom. It was mad to continue on an impossible path. ‘Do you think I should ask Francis?’
Francis Frobisher was the first Tean Sympathizer captain to acknowledge her and the one who had organized their escape from Kel’s people in London. Meri had come to rely on his judgement.
‘Ask him what?’
‘About the eyes, and the patterns.’ She showed him her arm.
‘Are they still there? I can’t see them.’
‘Yes, just. I don’t think the other Tean-bloods will be able to see them because none I’ve met has as good a vision for peril as I do. The nearest to me is the head of the council delegation. Derwent is a five-eighths Tean.’
‘That’s a relief.’ He sat down next to her and tucked a foot under the opposite leg, his knee a triangle defence between them. It could look relaxed but Meri felt it was somehow a barrier, that he didn’t want to risk coming too close. ‘And no, I don’t think you should ask Francis.’
‘Why?’
He blew on the mug steaming in his hands. ‘Meri, do you remember their test for their enemies? They look for the skin patterns on your arms. You’ll confuse them if you claim to be both the last full-blood Tean and then also show Perilous markings. If you’ve got enemies onboard, and I think you must have by now after Cabot, they’ll argue that you’re tainted.’
‘Tainted?’
‘By me.’
‘That’s ridiculous.’
‘No, it’s not. I don’t know what it means—how it even happens. If we are both at a loss, think how it will be for them. They’ll be scared and confused. You’ve not made yourself many friends by bringing me along; they won’t take much persuading to go back to whatever plan they had before you tur
‘Plan?’
‘They weren’t just sitting waiting for you, were they? They didn’t know you survived that day in Washington. They must’ve had other ideas about how to preserve Tean culture. What’ve they told you?’
Meri rubbed at her throat. It felt swollen by unshed tears. She wanted to hug him but she was now scared. ‘There’s another heir. I guess I’ve just bumped him down the list. I didn’t really think about that.’ She felt stupid for not having thought harder about this situation.
‘Who?’
‘I don’t know. He was only mentioned in passing. Three-quarters Tean. They described him as a caretaker.’
‘Did he know that’s what he was, I wonder?’
It was all such a mess. Two weeks ago they had fled London under a hail of Perilous bullets—her leg still had the healing wound from the one that clipped her. The yacht out of the city had appeared the perfect solution. She had been rescued, Kel was with her, they had a new home to go to where they would be the ones in charge. Instead, she was learning what so many discovered when elevated to a position of power: that it came with a huge price tag. Her agenda—to stay alive—was overtaken by the manifestos of people who had worked on the Tean and Perilous problem since before she had been born. They were wanting her to fill a role they had carved out for her. Her wish to do things different was like trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole.
But as long as Kel stood with her, she would try. If he wasn’t by her side, she was afraid there wouldn’t be much of her left once they’d finished hammering.
‘You’re not giving up, are you?’ she asked.
Kel winced as he took a mouthful of hot tea. ‘Ow. Should’ve waited.’
‘Kel?’
‘No, Meri, I’m not giving up. I’m just…concerned. But I can’t think about it any more right now. Let’s do something else, something fun.’ He cast around the room looking for possibilities.