Push and Shove by C. L. Stone
I hoped that was true. I couldn’t imagine living my whole life worried about what other people thought. I wondered how much Victor had to deal with. “Nathan doesn’t have any money on him,” I said, suddenly remembering. “Don’t we have to buy tickets?”
“He’ll get in,” Kota said. “Don’t worry about him. Just get yourself in the gate. Do you have any money on you?”
I pulled out the wad of cash I had remaining. “Seven dollars.”
“That should be enough for you.” He paused for a long time, until I thought maybe we had been disconnected.
“You okay?” I asked.
“I’m driving,” he said. “Sorry. I’m going to put you on speaker. Keep me on the line. Just talk to me if you need to.”
I approached the ticket booth and stopped short, surprised to see Ms. Johnson standing behind the counter. The English teacher was selling tickets? Then I noticed teachers in the other booths. Was that normal?
Ms. Johnson raised her head as I approached and smiled. “Hello. Just you?”
I nodded. I had the phone close to my ear, and thought it was rude to be on the phone while buying things. I pulled it away, holding it against my chest. “You handle the ticket booth?” I asked.
“We’ve had problems with some of the students,” she said. She tucked a curly brown lock behind her ear. “They take money off the top or give tickets away. Mr. McCoy was a stickler about this, and had teachers take over.”
At Mr. McCoy’s name, I had a knee-jerk reaction to check behind my shoulder. “He’s not here now.” I don’t know why I said it, but I wanted to confirm it with someone else.
Her eyes widened and then she seemed to relax, like I was privy to something she didn’t realize I knew. “No, not at the moment. Mr. Hendricks said he was on temporary leave. I didn’t get the details.”
Temporary? I wanted to ask more, but wasn’t sure how to put it. Maybe Mr. Hendricks didn’t want to shake up the staff by telling them he didn’t know where Mr. McCoy was. The Academy boys suggested they had control of him ... at least, that was my understanding since the boys refused to talk about it. They simply said don’t worry about him. “How much?” I asked.
“Six dollars.” She yanked a ticket from her dispenser and then held it out to me. She checked her watch. “Mr. Morris is late again. He’s supposed to pair up with me. I hope I don’t have to do the whole night alone.”
Did he do the ticket booth, too? Were teachers paid for this? I passed over the money and she waved at me as I walked away.
At the gate, another teacher ripped my ticket, and told me where the student seating was. After I was through the gate, I followed the path to the stands. I lifted the phone. “Kota?”
“Still here,” he said. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I got a ticket and I’m in the gate. Mr. Hendricks is telling teachers Mr. McCoy’s on temporary leave.”
“He’s still hoping to find him. It’s only been a few weeks since he’s been gone, but it’s been long enough that the school board wants to replace him.”
“With Mr. Blackbourne?” I asked, remembering a conversation I’d had with Mr. Hendricks.
“We’ll see.”
“And Ms. Johnson is working the ticket booth along with other teachers. She’s waiting for Mr. Morris.”
“Mr. Morris is a bit busy right now. He’s behind me.”
“Kota, remember a while ago when I found a list of names on a list in Mr. Hendricks’s office? One with Ms. Johnson’s name on it? Could she...” I didn’t know how to put it. After finding out earlier that Wil had been involved with Mr. Hendricks, and then Mr. Morris, it felt like everyone could be in on this crazy plan Mr. Hendricks had. No wonder Kota was cautious before about not approaching Mr. Morris any more.
“We should talk in person about this,” he said.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. We shouldn’t talk about it on the phone in case anyone’s listening. Hang on a second. I’m texting Nathan back about where you’re going.”
I tried to be quiet for him. I kept the cell phone to my ear while scouting out the stands. I aimed for a spot I’d sat at before with Kota and Nathan.
I didn’t have Kota’s jacket with me at the moment. I’d left it in the car. In just a skirt and a T-shirt, I huddled in a seat in the stands. Others had started to fill in. Kids sat in small groups around different parts of the field and in the stands.
It was twenty minutes before I spotted Nathan. He entered the stands, scanned the area, found me, and then drifted over to another section, up higher and out of my sight if I was watching the game. I still felt him there, watching over me.
It felt so familiar, being so distant. It wasn’t too long ago we’d had to avoid each other because of students and now we were doing it again. I hated it.
“Nathan’s here,” I said. “He’s sitting away from me but he’s in the stands.”
“Good,” Kota said. “I’m going to let you go.”
“Are you okay?” He’d asked me so many times that I hadn’t had the chance to ask.
“I’m fine, sweetie. Just driving around.”
“Be careful.”
“Will do. You be careful, too.”
The phone silenced after he hung up. I held it in my palms, staring out at the field. It felt awkward that Nathan was so close and yet he couldn’t approach. If the rumors had spread, he needed to stay away from me for a while until things got cleared up. I hated it. Rumors were stupid.
But at the same time, it confirmed something I’d been wondering for a while. Despite how close the boys had been, it was clear that somehow I’d been crossing a line with them. Touching, hanging out together, these were things other kids were paying attention to. Despite saying we don’t care what others think; too many people paying attention forced us to step back and act more normal.
Which meant the things I was doing with them wasn’t normal. I had suspected it for a while, but I’d relied on the boys. They were the ones that had reached for my hand, or hugged me most of the time. Facing the reality as other people talked about us made me want to crawl underneath the stands and find a place to hide until I could figure it out.
Still, as I sat alone, I missed Nathan. I missed Kota. And I couldn’t picture any one of the other boys without picturing the others around us. Mr. Blackbourne and the others called us a family. Maybe I was starting to believe it. Perhaps Kota was right and outside of high school, people lose interest in your private life and pay attention to their own.
That didn’t mean what was happening with us was normal.
TACKLED
While waiting for the football game to start, I paid more attention to students and parents as the stands slowly filled. I focused on couples in particular. Some couples were parts of groups of friends. Despite hanging out with the entire group, couples still clung to each other.
Most of the time, Silas sat close to me during lunch but I wouldn’t sit in his lap, or any of the boys’ laps, unless the others thought no one was paying attention. They grabbed my hand on occasion to tug me this way and that. They would hold on to my hand in dense hallways when everyone was looking ahead. Their hands sometimes drifted to my back or neck. They reached out for me when they could, when they thought it was safe.
But when we weren’t around other people, they didn’t let go of me at all. They directed me to sit in their laps. They folded me into them and kept me close, like these other couples did.
The Academy boys did it in front of each other sometimes, but not when we were within eyesight of anyone else, which confused me more. Was it right or wrong? Why was everything such a secret around them?
A particularly clingy couple sat three rows ahead of me. The girl huddled into the guy a lot and it reminded me of how I cuddled with the guys. Lost in the moment, I was longing to feel a confident hand from the boys. I was lonely.
The girl turned her head, looking at the boy. He leaned in and kissed her lips.
The s
I wondered how it felt. How close had the boys gotten? In the hallway with Silas, there was the same intensity for a kiss, but then he wouldn’t do it. And then he’d said it was killing him, like I was the one not doing it. But I just witnessed this boy in front of me swooping in for this kiss on his own. All she did was turn her head. He did it first. Wasn’t that how it worked?
“Hey there,” a voice said nearby.
I was sure the person who had spoken must have been talking to someone else. It wasn’t one of the boys, so it couldn’t have been directed at me. At first, I didn’t move much, just diverting my attention from the couple to another cluster of students sitting closer to the field as I didn’t want to be caught staring.
A figure cut in front of my view and I looked up, spotting Karen. She was in jeans and a light blue hoodie and her pixie hair was combed neatly. She smiled down at me. “By yourself?”
A wave of relief washed over me. Being alone had been awkward and the sight of her familiar face made me relax. “Yeah, actually...”
“I was waiting for a friend,” she said. “You want to sit together?”
“Sure,” I said. I supposed that should be okay. If Gabriel, Luke, or Kota came back, they could join me or hang out with Nathan. Nathan was really close, so he could swoop in if there was a problem.
It was crazy how I was expecting trouble at any moment and thought I needed looking after. I’d been relying on the boys for so long now, it was just instinct to make sure they were nearby.
Karen sat down next to me. For a moment, we were quiet as she readjusted her hoodie over her hips and relaxed. The kissing couple caught her attention. “Ick,” she said. “If they wanted to make out, they should try the parking lot, or under the bleachers.”
“Other kids do it a lot,” I said, not meaning it to be defensive, but just an observation.
“Yeah, but jeez. There’s a difference between sneaking a kiss and then slobbering in public.” She made a face and then chuckled.
I laughed a little. “It’s all the same to me.”
She turned her head, her soft brown eyes lighting up. “Haven’t been kissed yet then, huh?”
My mouth popped open at her figuring out the truth so quickly. Is it what I said?
She laughed softly. “I knew it. I’ve heard you were going out with Silas but didn’t believe for a moment you spent the night with him.”
“You can spend the night together and not kiss,” I said. I knew that was true. Happened every night with me.
“If you spend a night with a guy,” she said, “you’d be lucky to get out of there still a virgin, let alone not have kissed all night.”
“Oh,” I said. I wasn’t sure I should contradict her. “So you’ve heard things?”
“I hear a lot of stuff going on,” she said. She rolled her eyes. “A lot of it is boring.”
“So why do you listen?”
She shrugged and changed her attention to the football field. “So you gave up on the idea that you could date a bunch of guys at once?”
“I’m still friends with the others,” I said, again unsure about letting her in on the truth. Not that I didn’t trust her. She hadn’t told anyone about my previous confession which would have probably spread like wildfire if anyone had found out about it. Again, I didn’t feel I should press the issue.
“Not with Nathan any more though?”
My mouth parted. Had that spread already? “What?”
“He’s sitting over there all by himself.”
I glanced back, not meaning to, but she made me want to check. He was sitting in the back row. His eyes met mine. I could feel the pulling at my chest, wanting to sit next to him but at the moment, unable to.
“Something came up,” I said, turning back to her. “There’s a rumor.”
“There’s always a rumor,” Karen said. She sat back, stretching to put her feet on the seat in front of her. “What now?”
I wondered exactly how far this rumor got tossed around if Karen hadn’t heard it. “There’s one that Nathan spent the night with me last night. And then a follow up that Nathan was the one that spread the rumor. So for now, he’s trying to distance himself.”
“Oh,” Karen said, nodding and looking thoughtful. “Haven’t heard that.”
Maybe Silas had been on to something. Was it Rocky making up the rumor just to get them into a fight with Nathan? Or to urge Silas to break up with me? Did Danielle even say anything at all to anyone about what happened this morning? “The football team heard it.”
“The cheerleaders haven’t. They usually know everything. They usually start them.”
“You know the cheerleaders?”
“I’m friends with a couple of them. Well, not best friends, but I know them.” She pulled her cell phone out and then tapped at the screen. “Speaking of friends, wonder where mine is.”
“Who are we waiting for?”
“Karen?” a male voice floated to us.
Karen and I looked up at the same time. Derrick approached, wearing a running jacket and jeans and sandals. His bowl-cut dark hair had been recently trimmed.
My head jerked back, and I blinked, double checking to make sure I was right and not just seeing things. “Derrick?”
Karen turned back to me. “Know him?”
“We’re neighbors,” I said.
“Yeah,” Derrick said. He sat down in the lower seat in front of us and turned to talk. He did a short, two-finger wave. “Hey, Sang.”
“Hi,” I said. I offered a slow smile, relaxing. I’d been anticipating a complete stranger. Derrick was okay. I could handle this.
Karen grinned. “Sang knows all the boys, it seems.”
“I didn’t realize you two were friends,” I said.
“I only see him at school these days,” Karen said.
“Where’s your sister?” Derrick asked me. “Is she here?”
I shook my head. Gabriel had thought once that Derrick had a crush on my sister. Had that changed? I’d thought briefly that this might have been a date I was interrupting, but now I wasn’t sure. “Last I saw, her and Danielle were at my house. I wasn’t sure they were coming to the game.”
“Danielle said she was spending the night.” He glanced over my shoulder, in the direction where Nathan was sitting. “Everything okay?”
“Rumors,” Karen said. “There’s one about her and Nathan when she’s going out with Silas. So Nathan’s trying to hang back a bit to let the rumor cool off.”
“I thought you were going out with Kota. That’s what Jessica said.”
Uh-oh. A rush swept over me and my heart started frantically beating. That was right, Jessica, Kota’s sister, hung out with kids on our street. And Derrick occasionally hung out with them. Jessica may have heard from Kota’s mother that we’d been on a date. And after being at his house, and the cheek kiss, if Jessica heard about those, she’d no doubt think Kota and I were supposed to be dating.
“No,” Karen said. “It’s Silas. Or maybe for now.” She grinned. “She’s getting popular, so next it might be Rocky or one of the other popular goons running around.”
They started talking about the upcoming game, and I hid my release of a sigh. Karen saved me from answering Derrick, but what happens when Derrick reports back that I am dating Silas to Jessica? How far would these stories stretch?
Suddenly, the world had shrunk and everyone knew everyone else. My tongue glued to the roof of my mouth, letting the others talk. I nodded my head when I thought I should, but I was a million miles away, wondering how I got wrapped into this and what I was supposed to do next.
The bleachers filled and the start-of-game rituals began. I huddled in my seat, my arms tucked into my sides. I tried not to look as cold as I felt. The others had jackets and I was withou
I worried about Gabriel, Luke, and Kota. I hadn’t heard back. I wondered if they were okay.
Nathan never moved. I occasionally looked back, but it was clear we shouldn’t make too much eye contact. He’d smile a little when I caught his attention, but he’d jerk his head in a way that told me I should look ahead and not stare at him.
I tried to focus on the game, and it was an excuse to get out of friendly conversation. Karen talked with Derrick about television, food, and gossiped about other students.
Part of me wondered if Derrick ever mentioned what he knew about the Academy to Karen. From the way they talked, they sounded like old friends. How much did Karen know about what was really going on?
The football game started up and I focused on the players. I didn’t understand football, so mostly I was trying to identify which of the orange jerseys were Silas and North and then followed them. Did they keep the same numbers on their jerseys? Or did they switch? I couldn’t remember the numbers they had been wearing this morning.
By the end of the first quarter, the opposing team had scored and our team still had zero.
“This is depressing,” Karen said.
“I thought we had a good team this year,” Derrick said.
I couldn’t imagine a better team. Between North and Silas, who were massive and worked together well, and then Jay and Rocky, despite how I felt about them, were fast and had a fluidity in the way they played the game. Jay caught whatever Rocky threw at him. “Is the other team good?” I asked.
“They aren’t bad,” Derrick said. “But half their team graduated last year. Ours should be more together than they are now.”
“So why do our guys suck so bad?” Karen asked. “I mean, that last guy flat out dropped the ball.”
Nothing seemed to be going right for this game. Silas and North seemed to be the only ones able to tackle the opposing team. Others around them fell, or were pushed aside easily. And the other team even appeared smaller in size.
“Bad day?” I asked.