The Other Side of Envy by C. L. Stone
The more he spoke, the more animated he got, like he was getting more excited about his ideas.
My cheeks radiated with heat. “Live together?” I asked. He hadn’t said it out loud, but I got he was hinting at that. I breathed slowly, absorbing this. Somehow, it felt like he’d been thinking of this for a while. To test this, I tried another question from a different angle. “Do you like small houses?”
His lips lifted into a smile. “I was reading on these compact homes. Some they built out of shipping containers. Very practical about space. They’re small spaces. I was thinking it’d be nice with a small yard. Cozy. You like cozy areas, I’ve noticed.”
My mouth opened up. I couldn’t express the words. I had no idea what type of house I liked, because I hadn’t thought of having one before. I was just trying to survive high school. Kota had been thinking of buying a house for me at the end of the year.
We hadn’t even really kissed yet.
It made a little sense, though. He was thinking ahead. Where would I live once I was out of high school? Maybe it wasn’t possible to live in Nathan’s house forever. He’d eventually move out of his mom’s house. He was thinking of things I hadn’t considered yet.
My heart melted a lot. Excitement zipped through me as I imagined his vision. It wasn’t what I’d pictured. Then I realized I’d been picturing Lily’s house and situation, and in essence, I had been thinking along the same lines. Even though I hadn’t kissed him yet, I still included him in the scenario. My daydreams involved who would be there, not what the house looked like. Again, testing his thoughts, I went on, “If we got something a little out of the way, maybe in the woods, maybe away from other people...”
“That could happen,” Kota said, sitting up more in the driver’s seat. His face lifted. “You’d like a cabin?”
“I was just thinking, if we had a plot of land and filled it with small homes...”
“We could rent them out?” he asked.
“We could...” I said, smiling at his drifting thoughts. “Or maybe even, if you’re okay with it, have some of the others living nearby. Like Nathan and Luke and...”
He blinked repeatedly. “Oh?”
Maybe that wasn’t what he’d pictured. I tried, delicately, to fix it. “I mean, you’ll still be part of the family, right?”
“Yeah,” he said slowly.
“I don’t know,” I said, letting it sound like a passing thought. “I guess I’m used to the others being close by. Wouldn’t it be easier—if you’re still working with them in the Academy—to have them close enough so you could walk over? Or they can come over whenever?” That sounded better. Like he was living with me, and they were just neighbors. For now.
“Oh,” he said. He seemed to perk back up at this. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. I couldn’t imagine Victor wanting to live in a small house. He wouldn’t be able to fit his piano in.”
“Maybe,” I said, going with his thoughts. “Or we’d have to get him a second shipping container. Oh well. I guess at some point we’d figure it out.”
He nodded, although he seemed happier than before. “If we’re still a team, they’ll be around all the time anyway. We just need to get through this school year.”
If we managed to survive. At the same time, I was grateful. It might take a while to convince Kota of the new plan. The concept was a hard one to swallow. I hadn’t fully absorbed the thought either.
I felt bad not telling him about it. I kept sneaking peeks at his face: he was smiling, happy. Whatever I’d said, he’d changed in the car today. In my heart, I knew it. He was really, really happy.
I was glad for it, but hoped I wasn’t giving him the wrong idea, either about living together alone without the others, or about not joining the Academy. I still wanted to join.
Maybe he was more worried about the group not being able to stay together if I joined, because he’d want to be on the team I was on.
I held onto this thought. If that was true, then maybe he would be interested in keeping the family together, like Lily had done.
Still, I didn’t dare bring it up. It was easier when I knew the person had already been introduced to it and liked it. Somehow it was different if Mr. Blackbourne brought it up to them, and not me. From me, it felt like a selfish request. From North or the others, it seemed like their idea. It was, in a way. North’s interest was what sparked Luke to listen in on phone calls, and us to find out what was going on.
After a while of more driving, Kota said he managed to shake off our tail, mostly by draining the tank of the other car.
“We were getting pretty low, too,” he said. He tapped at the gas meter. “Good thing North put in the new bigger gas tank on my car.”
“They’re gone now,” I said. “At least they didn’t have backup to keep following us.”
“At least it wasn’t McCoy, again,” he said.
I didn’t see who was following us, but I was glad it wasn’t McCoy either. “Is he still chasing Gabriel?”
He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and held it while he drove, but did nothing else with it. “I should check on him.”
“I can, if you’d like,” I said.
He started to pass his cell phone to me and then retracted it. “I can’t...let you...sorry.”
He can’t show me his cell phone. There must be some Academy things in there he didn’t want me to see. Funny how he was willing to swap earlier though. Had something happened during that time? Gabriel didn’t hesitate to give me his when I asked out of the blue, when he wasn’t paying attention at all. He just did it.
I pulled out Gabriel’s cell phone. “I can do it.”
Kota’s cheeks tinted and he nodded.
This was a good excuse to see what Gabriel was up to. Maybe he would be more talkative now.
Sang: Meanie, are you okay?
After a few minutes and no response, I tried again.
Sang: Kota wants to know how you’re doing. Is McCoy still following you?
I wasn’t sure what else to say. Was he busy like North said?
It took a few more minutes, but a reply finally came.
Gabriel: Tell him I’m fine. McCoy is following me.
Tell him. He wasn’t going to respond to me? I tried not to read between the lines and make judgements on what was going on while he wasn’t here. It was hard to not wonder about his meaning, or if there was any meaning at all. North had said if he was busy, he may be keeping it short.
So I tried Luke. He was there. He might know.
Sang: Hey, it’s Sang. I tried to find his car, but we couldn’t figure out which one it was. He might have already bought it.
Sang: Also, Gabriel still seems upset to me. Is he or am I just imagining things?
I’d have to delete the messages later so Gabriel wouldn’t see. A few minutes passed and Luke responded.
Luke: I tried asking him about his birthday and what he wanted to do. He said he didn’t want to do anything.
Luke: That’s not really like him. He is cranky from not sleeping, but he’s never missed a chance to take advantage of his birthday.
I fiddled with my phone. That wasn’t good. I asked Luke to keep an eye on him, and he promised to do so.
“What’s wrong?” Kota asked. “Is there trouble?”
I sighed. “Gabriel says he’s fine...”
“You don’t believe him?” Kota asked.
I glanced at Kota. He was always very aware of everyone. He knew where everyone was. He even knew when someone was running out of groceries. He managed our group. While Mr. Blackbourne dealt with Academy issues, Kota focused on us.
Would he know how to handle Gabriel when he was upset?
I looked for a way to ask him without revealing the details. “I think he’s mad at me,” I said. “Or mad in general. It’s hard to tell.”
Kota was silent for a while. “Why would he be mad at you?” he asked.
Because the others and I want to try a crazy plan to stay
“He does get moody when he hasn’t slept,” Kota said. “He’s usually fine, though. You just have to let him have a day off once in a while.”
“It’s just last time I actually talked to him, he seemed upset. I wanted to talk to him about it.” I held up Gabriel’s cell phone. “Now he’s really short with me. It’s hard to tell if he’s mad, or if he’s just busy running around and sleepy.”
“Sometimes you have to wait until you’re face to face with him,” Kota said. He turned the car into the parking lot of a small motel not far from the highway. “We’ll talk inside. Just hang on a minute.”
I sighed, holding Gabriel’s cell phone to my chest. Kota didn’t seem to take it as seriously as I did. He didn’t fully understand the situation, either, so I didn’t blame him. I could possibly be overreacting.
Luke was concerned though. Luke was closer to Gabriel than anyone. If he was worried, I should be.
Kota left me in the car while he went inside to rent a room. He kept an eye on me through the window while he waited at the front desk. I blushed at the thought of him renting a room for us. I knew the others would be here soon, but I’d be alone with Kota for a short while. It’d been the same when North had rented a room. It was almost exciting, but also awkward, since we were only a couple of miles from home.
I still hadn’t been able to talk to Lily. I didn’t have her number on me, but I didn’t want her to feel like I was blowing her off.
I checked the number Gabriel had gotten. I wondered if I could get a message through to Lily through whoever this was. They were Academy. They’d probably understand if we swapped phones. Lily could verify with Gabriel.
I needed to figure out what I could do for Gabriel, if anything. They said he was cranky from lack of sleep. They hadn’t heard him last night. And his eyes today...I couldn’t put my finger on it. Plus, the way he was responding made me unsure. Luke knew something was off.
I needed to know he was okay. I needed to figure out how to connect with him.
Lily might help. But I couldn’t risk a phone call and hanging up on her when Kota got back. He’d want to know who I was talking to.
I couldn’t stand waiting idly by either. I needed to do something.
Sang: Hi. I’m not sure who this is. I borrowed Gabriel’s phone. This is Sang. I wanted to ask Lily some things. I can’t call right now, though.
Sang: I know she said call, but I needed some help. Gabriel might be upset with me.
Sang: I think it might be learning about the group staying together.
Sang: I’m worried about pushing him too hard to find out if he’s mad or just busy, but I don’t want him so angry he’ll never get over it.
Again, I told myself I’d have to delete the messages later before Gabriel got his phone back. I sent all of that, and was ready to send another text to try to explain things further and to ask politely for Lily’s number so I could text her.
Unknown: Hang on, Sang. I’ll find out what’s going on.
I gritted my teeth. I had no idea who this was. Did he mean he’d talk to Gabriel? I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. I didn’t mean to go around his back. I meant to only get advice on what to say or how to approach him. How do I get Gabriel back to being himself?
I leaned my head on the headrest. I was trying not to overreact. Kota and North said he needed sleep. He couldn’t right now because of McCoy. Would they let him rest if they knew how upset he really was?
Luke and Victor might understand. Victor was there last night and Luke knew Gabriel wasn’t himself right now.
I gritted my teeth. Did I want Victor to talk to him? Did I really need another person bothering Gabriel when this all could be my imagination? Maybe Victor was the last one to talk to him about this, since Victor seemed to spur Gabriel’s jealousy.
I knocked my knees together, fidgeting. I held onto the phone, staring at the doors, willing whoever was checking in with Gabriel to be quick in responding. Waiting was difficult.
I jumped at the sound of the driver’s door opening. Kota’s green eyes widened behind the glasses. He smirked. “Did I scare you?”
Yes. “Was just thinking,” I said. “Wasn’t paying attention.”
“You look tired,” he said. He handed over two card keys and hopped in, starting the car again. “Room 234.”
I forced a smile. Maybe he was right. I needed sleep. Maybe it wasn’t Gabriel. Maybe it was me.
The hotel had rooms facing outside like small apartments. There weren’t many cars in the lot. Kota parked and lead the way up the stairs to the second floor and our room for the night. I shivered, feeling eyes watching us, but suspected it was unlikely. Most of the people staying here were probably in their rooms resting and didn’t care about us.
Normal people weren’t worried about people chasing them.
Kota opened the door with a card key. The inside was dark, the shade drawn. He flipped the light switch. Two large beds, a couple of small chairs and table, and a dresser with a TV. I’d seen similar rooms on television. Crowded. The smell of bleach was heavy, along with that of dampness. I wrinkled my nose, trying to get used to the scents. The bleach was making my eyes water.
“I was going to get a nicer room,” he said. “But the suites only have one big bed, and I think North and a few others are staying tonight. So we needed at least two beds.”
My insides squirmed at the thought of at least a few of us spending the night here. This felt more adventurous, more like one of their sleepovers, only more exciting because we were somewhere new.
Without much else to do, I stepped over to one of the beds. I sat down, ready to plop over.
“Hang on,” Kota said. He draped his book bag on the back of the chair, and put his keys, wallet and the key cards on the table. He approached the bed, encouraging me to get up with a wave of his hand.
I stood back. Kota gripped the cover on the bed and pulled it off. He flattened it at the foot of the bed, tucking it under a little to give room to walk around.
“You moved the blanket?” I asked.
“It’s not a blanket,” he said. He pointed to the thinner blanket still on the bed. “It’s a bed cover. Keeps the linen fresh when the bed isn’t being used. The cover is probably dirty. They don’t usually wash them every single time after other people have been here.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling weird. I tried to remember the hotel I’d been in before. I didn’t recall it having a bed...cover. If that hotel didn’t use them, why did this one? Or maybe it did and I couldn’t remember. It was embarrassing to show how much I didn’t know about what seemed a common thing.
Kota didn’t say anything about it. He pulled back the actual blanket and sheet. He patted the pillow. “Want to lay down for a while? The others may not be here for a few hours still.”
I let out a breath, nodding. I was tired. Maybe after a nap, I’d be less reactive, and could think more clearly about Gabriel.
I kicked off my shoes, and climbed into the bed. The smell of the bleach was stronger now. I held my nose, trying not to sneeze. I knelt on the bed, in my jeans, and considered. “North has my bag, but I don’t have any other clothes with me for tomorrow.”
Kota fished his phone out of his pocket, and tapped at it. “I’ll have Nathan bring you some. He’ll probably want to come by. He’ll be alone on the street tonight, so he’s going to want to come here.”
I smiled at the thought of Nathan tagging along. “Won’t they notice if everyone’s here? If th
“I hope so,” Kota said. “I’m hoping if we shake them all, except for Gabriel and Luke running around, they’ll get together and talk, or call Mr. Hendricks. If the manage to find us after this, then we know something’s off and that they are tracking us with something more sophisticated. I’m personally hoping they’ll go talk to Hendricks.”
“Is that good?” I asked, drifting down toward the pillow. I pressed my cheek to it, sniffling a bit at the strong smells. I covered my nose with my hand covered in the sleeve of the hoodie to block it.
“Any time they talk, it’s good. It’s one more chance to listen in and see what’s going on. It’s especially useful when they’re rattled.” Kota put his phone down and then looked at me. “Are you comfortable wearing that?” he asked.
“The hoodie?” I asked.
“The jeans,” he said. “If you’re going to nap...” He smiled weakly and his cheeks tinted again. “Sorry, I was just thinking, maybe you’d want to take them off, but...”
I secretly giggled at Kota, not thinking, asking if I’d like to take my clothes off. “I don’t have anything else, but I guess this hoodie covers up enough.” The hoodie reached below my butt, so it’d be like wearing a big shirt.
Kota moved to the door, grabbing his keys off the table. “Hang on,” he said. “I have some spare clothes in the car. Let me see what I’ve got.”
Gabriel was right; I needed an overnight bag.
Kota was being extremely cute. He jumped to help or do things for me. I didn’t realize it until he was willing to go down to his car for something when I’d already said I was okay with using the hoodie to cover myself.
Kota returned with a small green duffle bag. He placed it on the table and started pulling out clothing items that had been rolled up inside. “Boxers or pajama pants?” he asked.